One more thought ...

One last item I want to mention. This Monday I will be starting a new job. Some of you are aware and some of you are not but this is a Very. Big. Deal. This new job is not a contract position, it is not temporary, it is Full Time and Permanent. And THEY are excited to have ME. I don't even know how to process how surreal this is for me.

I was laid off in July of 2008 and have since had a very long list of many different employers in an attempt to make ends meet. I have had what feels like at least 100 interviews, and did I mention that the job I was laid off of was also a "contract" position so even it felt precarious even though I was there for quite awhile and most of us were "contract" (we all lost our jobs together). At one point, I had to move out of my apartment in Chicago and move back home with my parents.

Unless you have been unemployed you can barely imagine the depths of fear, sorrow/despair, self-doubt, desperation, and immense foundation shaking faith questions about what it means when the Lord says He is our Provider, that He Holds us Together (especially hard to believe when you are falling apart), that He is Near, that He cares and deeply loves us, that He is committed to our Good, that He protects us, that He fights for us. I believe in a God who has the Power to do all things, and yet job after job I came in second and they were held just beyond my reach. I still cannot pretend to understand the answers to all my questions (while unpacking yesterday I came across a list of them that I wrote out about a year and a half ago, still baffling) but this I am Deeply aware of Today: God is no LESS powerful today than He was before I unwillingly started on this journey. He has Not Changed and all those things I don't understand about Him are still TRUE, my understanding them or not understanding them does not change them. So yes, even today I will still tell you that I believe My God Provides. He Heals. He Protects. He Loves Unconditionally. He knows what is for my Good better than I do. He is Near, much Nearer than I comprehend or know. He has not and will not abandon His Children. And I will still move forward, klutzy, and learning very slowly (I am not proud of all the ways I handled unemployment) that My Lord is Captivating. and Beautiful. And For my Good. And I will continue to walk the road He has Lovingly laid out for me.